Celebration/Hard Times

In case you missed it from the title of this entry, I'm dealing with some conflicting feelings right now. First the good stuff though!

One of my very best friends found out last week that she is pregnant with her 4th child! It's so exciting. She and her husband have been trying for a while now and she's been thinking about having another for at least the last year, if not longer than that. So it was VERY exciting to get the text from her saying the test was positive!!! I literally screamed and dropped my phone. It's been so fun to talk about names and if it will be a boy or girl. We have already decided that if they have another girl she and Wyatt can look forward to an arranged marriage.

We also celebrated that same friends 30th birthday last night. It was great to have a night out. Wy stayed at the sitter's over night and I stayed with another friend in the city so I didn't have to drive home so late at night.

But I realized something huge last night. As much fun as it was going out and being with friends, I have never been happier to get home to Wyatt this morning. I have never been happier than I am as a mom and right now, especially since he's so little, I'm going to enjoy every second I have with my son. Even on very little sleep and feeling yucky because of the 3 beers I drank (yeah that sounds weird to me too) I was thrilled to see Wyatt. We spent the whole rest of the day playing and having fun together, it was awesome.

I do feel better knowing that I really don't miss that life style of going out all the time. I sometimes do think about how different things would be if he weren't here. I do miss some parts of life before him. But for the most part, this life is so much better than the other one could ever be.

Oh how I wish that was the end of things, that giving up my old life was the hardest thing I was going through.

I spent this evening watching TV and filling out custody papers. I finally am making the time to get this done. It needs to be done before Wy's birthday and there is just not going to be a good time to do it. The whole process makes me sad though. I hate thinking about lawyers and going to court. I hate having to file papers so I can be the legal sole decision maker for my child. It's really not something I ever thought I would be doing.

It's started at least. That's the biggest part I think, making myself do it. I have a couple friends who are helping me out and I know I have the support of everyone who knows me and Wy. I am doing the right thing, I have no doubts about that.

Doesn't make it suck any less though.