Little Reminders

So the other day I was standing in Wyatt's room having one of those moments when I absolutely could not believe I am a mom. Maybe it's how unplanned he was, but there are days I look at him and wonder where this little alien boy came from and why he's in my house. Mostly it's in the evening when he's in bed and I'm not doing anything productive that I start having these feelings. When I finally have some time to sit alone in my own bed. The bed that I've had since 2002, the one that was frequently covered in books and papers while I was doing homework for my graduate classes, with the sheets and blankets I got myself as a Christmas gift one year. It's something that is very tangibly from my single days, Before Wyatt.

But I have massive amounts of reminders that I am for sure a mom now. They are all over my house, in my purse, between my sheets....

It's not uncommon for me to reach into my coat pocket or purse and pull out a bobo (pacifier). Also not unusual to find tiny socks amongst my blankets when I get into bed. I could vacuum my house twice a day and Wy would still be able to find a 3 day old piece of waffle to eat, I swear he hides food on purpose so he can go back for it later. The words "We don't throw toys!" come out of my mouth more times than I can count. I know all the words to the intro songs from Jack's Big Music Show, Yo Gabba Gabba, The Backyardigans and Word World, and most days I genuinely enjoy watching them (with the exception of Yo Gabba Gabba, I hate that show but Wy likes it so we watch it). Both of us trip over stray toys regularly and usually laugh about it.

Then there are things like hugs and kisses and smiles. I have this sunshiny little boy in my life now who loves me! He yells "Mama!" when he's ready to get out of bed. He's happy to pause his playing to come over for a kiss (most of the time). He smiles at me first thing in the morning, which is better than a cup of coffee for waking me up. I may say "stop that" or "put that down" a lot, but I say "I love you!" way more.

It may be hard to believe sometimes that I'm a mom, and I have had to give up a lot of things. Going for a run any time of the day or night for instance. Or being able to give in to that pancake craving I had the other night; in the past I would have been at Dennys before you could blink. But boy is it worth it. Picking Wyatt up from the babysitter is my absolute favorite part of the day. I have an absurd number of pictures of him at my desk at work, because I like to have him close during the day. And because I need those reminders. I need that random bobo appearance to help get me through the day sometimes.