Bedtime

Tonight I got another taste of why I love being a mom so much.

Wy spent the day playing so was actually tired by the time it was bedtime. Woo hoo for that first of all! I never really can tell when he will go right to sleep at night or when he is going to need 10 min of crying to fall asleep. Thankfully 10 min is about the longest he ever needs anymore. But tonight he was actually tired!

So we picked out a couple books and sat in the glider to read a little before sleeping. Wy just sat in my lap with his head leaned back on my shoulder looking at the pictures. Every now and then he would look up at me while I was reading and just stare at me. I love looking down and seeing his little face.

When I put him into bed he grabbed his blanket, opened his mouth for his bobo and just smiled a little as I turned on a little bit of bedtime music to help him drift off.

There is literally nothing that can compare to being a mom and it's not even the big moments that make you tear up; it's the little ones, the every day moments when your heart just bursts with how wonderful it is to have brought someone to special and beautiful into the world and having the privilege to spend the rest of your life watching them grow and learn and love life.

Sickies & Overnights

I have been pretty lucky so far to only have gotten really sick twice since Wyatt was born. One weekend I out of nowhere got the flu and was coughing and feverish and miserable, but it was over days that i was normally at work. So I was able to drop Wy off at the sitter, make a valiant effort to go to work then head home to nap for a few hours before picking the little monster up. The second time I was sick, we both got a weird little stomach bug for a day and that was it. We stayed home together resting and were both fine the next day.

This past Thursday I started to get a scratchy throat at work, but I had been on the phone a LONG time that day so I just chalked it up to talking too much. I woke up Friday feeling like I had been hit by a bus. But I still chugged through and went to work, taking with me a small pharmacy that included Chloraseptic spray, cold meds and a box of tea bags. When my boss walked by that morning he asked if he was going to find me passed out in my cube later. Impressively I made it through 9 of the 11 hours I was scheduled to be at work. But finally I hit a wall where I couldn't breathe and I just needed to go home before I really did pass out in my cube. I must have looked pretty sick cause my boss told me to get home and get some rest when I went to ask if I could sneak out early.

I fully expected to wake up feeling better on Saturday and be able to get back to work, instead I woke up feeling even worse and this time with a fever. So Wyatt and I stayed home. He was pretty good most of the day, but he's only 7 months old, he doesn't quite understand, please be good mommy doesn't feel well and wants to rest. There was one point that I was trying to change his diaper and he just wasn't having it and wanted to keep rolling over that I just lost it for a second and actually yelled at him. I felt so bad when I saw the startled confused look on his face. Poor kid didn't know what was going on!

Thankfully Gramma and Grandpa were able to come pick him up that evening and took him overnight and for most of Sunday. Which was a new adventure all on it's own. This was the first time Wyatt has been away from me over night. Yes, yes, I know he is apart from me for hours and hours every time I go to work. But I'm at work during those hours. I'm busy, I'm at my office. This time I was alone, tired and sick at home. I cried a lot after my dad and Lori left with him. I started crying before I even got back into the apartment. It was a hard night. But it was wonderful to have a night of sleep, to sleep until I woke up for the first time since I was pregnant. No crying in the middle of the night, no having to get up half asleep to change a diaper or make a bottle. It was wonderful. I was thrilled to get him back though. I have never been so happy, well at least not since the day he was born and I finally got to meet him and hold him and have him look up at me.

I'm learning that being sick when you are a parent means pretending you aren't sick and trying to get better under circumstances that would usually just mean you can expect to get sicker. I'm still exhausted today, but I came to work. I really need another day of rest and sleep but I'm not expecting it any time soon. And at this point I am just praying Wyatt stays well so I don't have to miss work because he's a little sickie too.

Personality

Wyatt has personality to spare lately. My new favorite thing he does is look at you and smile when he knows he is playing with something he shouldn't. I also love that he has started following me around. It's such a fun surprise to look down and see his smiley little face.

This morning Josie (our cat) finally actually walked up to him and sniffed him while he was on all fours following me from the bedroom to the bathroom. I was watching them while brushing my teeth and the grin he got when she put her nose up to his was priceless. He was so thrilled to finally be getting a little attention from this elusive furry gray thing! In fact when she walked away he looked right at me like "Did you see that Mom!" I laughed and sprayed toothpaste on the mirror. Totally worth it.

He laughs when he hears the theme song from Jack's Big Music Show.

He smiles when I sing, but especially when it's Twinkle Twinkle little star.

Man I love that kid!

Long Goodbyes

When I dropped Wy off at the sitter's a little while ago, I got him out of his car seat and passed him to her just like usual. I kissed him and told him to have fun today. And then I had to leave. Right when I got to the door I looked back to say bye and he was watching me go and almost waved. Kind of. He doesn't really know how to wave or why you would wave yet, but he getting there.

It broke my heart. I would so much rather hang out with him all day today.

I feel bad almost running out of there every morning that I drop him off, but on days when I just want to spend time with him, it's just too hard to not do that.

I am praying that he does not start with separation issues any time soon, cause I don't know if I will be able to deal with having to walk out the door while he is crying.

The Hardest Thing

These long 10 hour days at work are really getting to me lately. Wyatt is changing so fast, every single day he is doing something new! And I want so badly to be able to be home with him.

He is now crawling, belly up off the floor arms and legs working together crawling. It's amazing to have watched him figure it out all on his own.

And on Wednesday I walked into his room to find he had pulled himself up onto his knees using the rails of his crib. Time to drop the mattress so I don't run in to find a screaming baby in the middle of "nap time".

Plus I noticed that he can go from tummy to sitting and back now.

I hardly even recognize him in his newborn pictures anymore, he is such a different kid now. He looks like a little boy, even acts like a little boy sometimes. Like when he started to pitch a tiny fit in Target the other day when I took away the shopping list he was trying to ingest.

It's amazing how he is changing and more than anything I just want to be there for it. He's going to have so much time to be independent and on his own at school as he gets older, I wish so badly I could be around more for this part of things. Before he starts telling me I'm not cool (which I'm not so that's fine) and that I'm embarrassing him (which I plan to so that's alright too). It feels like I miss so much being apart from him all these hours. And it doesn't help knowing that I have to do this to make sure we have food and a nice place to live.

I miss Wyatt. All the time. And I wish things could be different.

A Home of Our Own

So I got the idea in my head a while ago that I might be able to buy a house when my lease is up in February. Don't ask me where this idea came from, but it has stuck and I have been obsessed with figuring out if it is a real possibility.

The housing market might suck right now, but it's a gold mine for people like me. People who are looking for something small and cheap that is. It's looking right now like I could potentially get a house for less than I am paying in rent right now. Well not a house exactly, in most cases what I am looking at are condos...glorified apartments, but one that I would own free and clear after 15 years.

Right now more than anything I want to be able to own something, something important. I want to know that Wyatt and I won't have to move every freaking year from now on. The way it's looking with renting, that is a very real possibility. I can't deal with that any more. I did that in college and in grad school and I'm sick of it. The longest I have lived in one place recently is when I lived in the same apartment in Chicago for 3 years. Pathetic. Well when you lived in the same house from the time you were 2 until you left for college. It was so nice to have a safe familiar place to come home to and I want to give that to Wyatt. And selfishly I want that for myself again.

So I'm on this search and I'm not sure if I should be in more of a hurry than I am right now. Should I be talking to a realtor already? Should I be looking into how much it would cost to break my lease in case I find a wonderful place sooner than I was anticipating? I have no idea how to buy a home! I am increasingly feeling very lost and confused and overwhelmed by the whole process. I almost feel like I can't ask for help, because I am the kind of person who talks a lot about all kinds of things that never end up happening. I make tons of big plans that I make just because the process of thinking about it is fun. But I want this. I want it bad.

I just have to figure out how to make it happen.

Times They Are a'Changing

So much has been happening!

Wyatt is changing so fast it's making my head spin some days. He is starting to really look like a little boy sometimes and not a baby anymore. It makes me sad and excited at the same time. Those baby days don't last nearly long enough...I miss when he was a cuddly little newborn, content to lay wrapped against my chest all afternoon. Now he wants to crawl all over the place and play and explore!

Which is one of the biggest changes...he's almost crawling! He does this weird little army scoot right now that is pretty effective, but I think he is going to be doing real crawling soon. His little knees have like permanent rug burn from scooting around all day. :)

He's also sitting up on his own! And not just the leaning over hands on the ground sitting up but full on straight back sitting like a big boy.

We discovered that he really likes the show Jack's Big Music Show. There is obviously a lot of music in it and he has always loved music and sometimes when he's watching it he will laugh at the puppets. It freaked me out the first time he did it cause I wasn't sure what he was laughing at and then realized he was actually paying attention to the guys on the TV. No worries though he has a limited amount of time in front of the dreaded brain boiling box.

It's amazing to see how he anticipates things now. I was tickling him the other day and he would start to laugh as soon as I put my hands up and before I even touched him. He knew what was coming and would start to laugh hysterically.

I have started to think about his birthday already too. He's 7 months old! Yes there is still a good amount of time before he turns one, but I am preparing myself already. It's another exciting but sad time. By then he will be walking and talking a little, he'll be able to smash a cake up and help open his presents. Plus there is the issue of birthdays in general...I didn't celebrate mine till I was 9 and never have much fun on my birthday, it's usually a disappointment, so birthdays just aren't that important to me. But I want Wyatt to have that special day, to feel special on the day he was born. So I have to get past my own issues and create something special for him.

Man, it's been a crazy adventure so far, but so worth every second. Wyatt is starting to kind of give hugs and kisses...which means he's basically strangling you and slobbering all over your face, but it's still sweet. I can't wait for when he can tell me he loves me and he missed me while I was at work and relate all the important things he's done all day.