I am having some pretty serious body image issues lately.
Obviously from the beginning I have known getting pregnant was going to change my body in some radical ways. But that doesn't make it any less shocking when it finally happens. Being pregnant was very weird for me in lots of ways...the endless runny nose, the morning sickness, the super power smelling ability, the constant exhaustion...but the strangest of all was how my body felt. There were days that I felt like I should see my pre-pregnancy body in the mirror, that I could swear I felt my normal body under all the extra weight of the baby. I know it makes me sound like a total looney, but it happened a lot. I have always been a pretty slender person. Curvy, but slender. And I was down to about my goal weight when I found out I was pregnant. In fact I had just bought a whole bunch of new clothes, excited about not being able to fit into a lot of my stuf anymore...excited that it was too big, that is.
So now that Wyatt is here and a lot of my baby weight is gone, I figured I would be ok with slow loss of the rest of it and eventually fitting back into the clothes I was so excited about before him. It's been 4 months now and I will readily admit I have not been doing anything to help me lose the weight. I have never been good at making myself work out or go run every day. And being a single mom means I don't really have the luxery of leaving the house and jogging when I feel like it. So part of the issues I have been having are really my fault.
But beyond just the excess weight there are a lot of other things going on with my body that I just don't like. I feel gross all the time. And now that my hormones are starting to regulate my hair is falling out in clumps just like my friends warned me it would. More than anything I feel like nothing fits me anymore! My shape has changed in subtle little ways that are driving me crazy! I'm hoping some of that will be eleviated by me spending some quality time in the gym here at work.
Why is it that people stop talking about what is happening to me and my body once the baby is born? All the pregnancy books leave out what happens to mom once labor and delivery are over. Everything is totally focused on the child. Which to some extent is how it should be. But I really could have used some guidence and warning about what was going to happen to me! What was "normal" after delivery. I felt, and still do sometimes, stranded, like what I'm going through isn't as important as all the changes happening to my son. I'm glad to know how he should and is growing and developing but how should I be progressing? What are some tips for changing my diet from one where I was starving all the time and constently snacking to a more normal diet that is healthy for both me and Wy? Why don't mom's get the same kind of support a newborn does? First time mom's are to some extent no different than the baby, we don't have any clue what is going on!! Thank god for friends who aren't squeemish or prude talking about all the weird gross things that happen after the weird gross things from pregnancy.
I need to find some kind of motivation for getting to where I used to be. Because I felt good in January 2009! I was comfortable in my own skin and happy when I looked in the mirror. And right now I don't feel either of those things, but that doesn't seem to be enough to get my fat ass moving!
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing those very personal, intimate feelings. And yes, the body isn't quite the same ever again. Not that you can't be happy with it or regain that slender, curvy bod you once had. But something has inherently changed.
You are right in that your body is still changing, as Wyatt's is changing. And it does suck that not much attention is given to enlightening mom's on that part of the process. But I would encourage you to just go back to what you know for sure...eat a balanced diet and do things that refresh your soul. Your body needs a lot of protein, good carbs (think color) and plenty to drink (water not soda). What it doesn't need is sugar & bad carbs (including alcohol). What it does need is for you to take walks with your baby in the stroller, he will love it and you will be refreshed. I see plenty of mom's power-walking with a stroller these days! Afterwards, they feel great. Those endorphines are rushing and all is well. It boosts your metabolism and helps you sleep better, too.
I'd like to say that you will have what you had pre-pregnancy. But that would not be true. Your body has changed, for good. But it has not changed who you are inside. Be the wonderfully sweet, strong, sexy self you are...and enjoy the company of that amazing little baby that you have created!
hugs, Mom xoxo
Oh Sara. I hear you and so understand what you are saying. It is all strange and new and frightening and exciting. And scary too. Your mom is right about staying healthy. When my children were coming along I didn't have the luxury of a gym so worked out at home and stayed in pretty good shape, if I do say so myself. Be sure to keep talking & talking. We've been there, we understand. And many of us have ideas and/or tricks to help get through today, tomorrow, the future. Use us, your friends, as sounding boards, take what you can use and go with it. You are not alone. Give that baby a hug, then go find someone to give you one too. Vikki
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