The Baby Bug

So I will start this post by saying I already know this must sound totally crazy and I have ZERO intention of acting on these feelings I am having right now. Ok. Glad we cleared that up. Moving on!

It seems like everyone I know is having babies right now! It is insane the number of people I know who are pregnant or just recently had a baby. In fact I know 2 who had them within the last week! I have mentioned before how much I always wanted children, how since I was about 5 years old I knew I wanted to be a mom. Seriously, I have been thinking about it that long. Who knew it would be 22 years before it happened. I have also always known that I wanted more than one child, I always hoped to have 3 actually. And just a side note, as long as I have been thinking about being a mom one day, I have known my first was going to be a boy. :)

And along came Wyatt. He really is the most amazing and wonderful little boy and I am so thankful for him every day. I cannot leave work fast enough to get home to him and spend those few moments with him before he drifts off to sleep for the night. I truly think he is everything I could ever ask for in a child and am anxious to see what kind of a person he will grow up to be.

But those of us who have always wanted kids know the feeling of the baby bug. Before you have kids it's a deep longing for the experience of pregnancy and childbirth and to have someone to care for and love in ways you can only imagine. I'm finding it works a little differently once you have had a child. Now the baby bug is not only a longing for the experience and the love you can only feel when you look at your newborn for the first time, but it's a missing and mourning because you are forever separate from that child now. For me at least, despite how awful my pregnancy was at times, I really miss it! I want to cuddle a tiny little baby again and feel the elation that comes with not being able to tear your eyes away from the amazing thing you made from nothing. I want to complain about my baby kicking me in the ribs all day and night again. I want to lay and watch my belly roll after I've laughed particularly hard at something.

Pregnancy and childbirth are such amazing things. And they are so worth all the throwing up and crazy cravings and mood swings. Being a mom has given me a mental and emotional peace I have been looking for for a lot of years. There has been nothing better than listening to Wyatt breathing through the monitor while I drift to sleep and seeing his smile when I get to the sitter's after a long work day. I honestly cannot wait for the day I get to take another pregnancy test and see those 2 pink lines. I don't want Wyatt to be my only child; I want him to have siblings obviously, but it's really a selfish thing, because I want to experience becoming a mom again.

It needs to be stated again, I have no intention of acting on these feelings and rushing the process. Wyatt will get a little brother or sister when the time is right, when I've found him someone who will love him and happily be his dad. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to look forward to the next one in the mean time. I know there is another little baby out in the universe for me, I just have to be patient and wait for the right time for them to show up.

And until then, I will cuddle and love on all the other babies in my life, including and most of all, my own.