It's an unfortunate part of being a working mom, single or not; dropping off your child at daycare every work morning. This has been a hard thing for me over the last 6 weeks. It's beginning to feel like someone else is raising my son! I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have such a great sitter and only work 4 days a week, but it's becoming really difficult to drop Wyatt off in the morning. Honestly he spends more waking hours with Anne than with me at this point.
This morning for the first time since I went back to work I cried as I pulled away from Anne's house. And it wasn't because I was worried for him or uncomfortable leaving him where I do, it was out of sheer frustration and jealousy. I am so jealous that Anne is getting to spend so much time with Wyatt, that they are creating a relationship. I'm thrilled this sitter I found in such a random way (a haphazard look at the front page of the classifieds one Sunday morning) cares for my son so much. It makes me know he will be safe and well taken care of each day. But at the same time everything in me is screaming in protest because I should be the one spending all this time with him! I should be strengthening my bond with my son and soaking up every second that he still wants to be with me (can you tell I'm already thinking ahead to the teen years?).
So how do I deal with these fairly irrational issues of jealousy? It's not like I'm worried our sitter is going to disappear with Wy one day, but I am starting to have a really hard time leaving him with someone else all day. Is it selfish on my part to want to monopolize my son's time? Shouldn't I be happy he is out and interacting with other people and will be able to grow into a well socialized kid who isn't afraid to meet new people like I was? Is my fear that one day he won't be excited to see me unfounded?
1 comment:
If it helps at all Munch used to call his sitter mommy and her husband daddy. I thought he didnt need me anymore so I was upset. Then, he would come and say mommy I love you and I knew it would be ok. I also realized that if he thought of her as mom then she was doing what I would do with him. I work 5 days, but by the time I picked him up from the sitter he was asleep an hour later. He is still excited to see me. Just think its like school only hes younger. That helped and Jealousy is normal.
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