Bubble Guppies

The latest craze at my house is the Nickelodeon show Bubble Guppies. It's (thankfully) actually a cute show that I don't mind watching for the moment.

A few weeks back during our regular Nick Jr. shows I kept seeing promos for Bubble Guppies, which at first I thought looked kind of stupid. A show about little merkids and a gigantic grouper? Weird. But I decided to give it a chance since I was really sick of the shows we had been watching.

Boy, was this a stroke of genius on my part! Wyatt is OBSESSED with the show now. I noticed right away that he was paying attention to the show for longer periods of time than he did with other shows. I also noticed he started "singing" along with the songs after just the first episode.

Now he sings, dances, claps, & laughs though the whole thing. He will sit and watch almost an entire episode. Which at his age is nearly unheard of. Most of my friends started telling me about their kids sitting for 30 min around the time they turned 2, sometimes older. Even the other shows he loves he can't sit straight through.

He also started asking for the show by name. Oh yes, he knows what he wants. He will point at the TV and ask for "bubba" which is how bubble comes out right now. He once even brought me the remote and told me "BUBBA!" He hates that the DVR grabs 2 min of the end of Max & Ruby before "Bubba" comes on and I am now forced to fastforward through that or else listen to him whine.

This may seem like it would be annoying or unnerving that my 17 month old will sit and watch a full 25 minutes of TV. But he really seems to be learning from this show. He laughs at the funny parts, he dances along to the dance parts, he sings with the songs. The show is put together by educators and parents and covers a pretty wide variety of topics. In anticipation of our upcoming trip to Florida we watched the episode about flying on a plane about 16 times. Here's to hoping something stuck.

More than anything I just love that my son loves something. He hasn't show much preference for anything. He doesn't have a blanket he takes to bed every night, he's not that attached to his toys for the most part...he seems to take after me in that he doesn't really have a favorite anything. But something about this show captured him and has stuck with him.

So in our house right now it's all about the "Bubba" and the random super ball he found which has been permanently attached to his hand for the last 2 days.

Bubble Guppies and a Super Ball; I suppose it could be worse!

Greyson

Happy birthday to Greyson Randall Wright!



One of my very best friends had her beautiful baby boy this afternoon. He makes #4 for the family and the end of the line for Shara and Aaron. When I look at their family picture they look complete; finished; whole.

She is such an amazing mommy and has been a huge support to me through my journey of pregnancy and the beginning of motherhood.

Shara and I have been friends since the....3rd day of our freshman year of high school. We went through a little period of typical girl drama, but came out better friends on the other side of it. I don't know what I would do without her!

I hope that Greyson and Wyatt can be wonderful friends as they grow up together. I can't wait to meet him!

Black Holes & Revelations

Over the last few weeks I have had a couple opportunities to go out and be an adult rather than just a mom. It's been quite the learning experience, in ways that I didn't really expect honestly.

First off, I want to say that I am extremely grateful to have parents and a wonderful babysitter who are willing to watch Wyatt overnights so I can have a bit of a break every now and then. I probably would lose my mind if it weren't for them. But I have been noticing a trend the last couple times I have gone out; I get out and then don't actually want to be there. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago a friend I used to work with invited me to go out with herself, her husband and a guy she thought I might get along with. Ok, fine, I needed a break anyway. People without children in the house though don't know/don't seem to remember how much planning it takes to get out and the zillion things you have to consider just to have a night of fun. For me that means checking with my sitter to see if she is even available to take Wy overnight; wondering just how exhausted I will be by 8pm on Saturday night after getting up at 6am and working all day; figuring out where I will be, if I can drink, and what time I will get home so I can make sure I am up and fresh when I have to pick Wy up at 9am on Sunday morning. It's a lot to consider. So when I make plans I like to stick to them. I used to be such a roll with whatever waves come kind of person, but now I hate when plans get changed. It makes me reconsider all those things I just mentioned. My night is very different if I am 5 min from home or an hour from home.

Needless to say all that was building up to saying my friend and I made plans and then those plans got changed. When I told her I would have to think about it I got a hail storm of texts telling me I was no fun, I was going to ruin the night with that kind of attitude, and basically I would end up alone forever if this was going to be how I act. Finally I gave in and agreed to the new plans, dreading the evening. And it pretty much lived up to my expectations. We went to see a cover band at a bar I would never have gone to, I got teased for not drinking the swill at the bottom of my Guinness ("That's such a waste, don't waste beer like that"), and listened to what felt like a never ending conversation about how much fun fishing is. I did have a little bit of fun, but it was mostly because my friend seemed to notice how I was not fitting into the conversation and started to make an attempt to talk about other things. She and I got along great when we were working together, but we are very different and when it comes down to it don't seem to have a lot in common.

I got home that night (after a 40 min drive back to my apartment) exhausted, starving and irritated there was no parking close to my building. I ended up parking in the handicapped spot relatively close to my place since I knew I would be up and out the door to pick up Wyatt before it really mattered. Picking up Wy filled me with a surprising sense of relief.

This past weekend, unlike the previous occasion, I actually kind of ended up visiting my old life as I like to call it. A friend asked me to go to Chicago and see the play he was in. I haven't been to see a show in a long time so when it offered to buy my ticket I could hardly refuse. The show was fantastic, it was a wonderful evening in the city that I have missed so much lately.

You're waiting for the weird part right?

It was at a theatre I spent a lot of time at about 5 years ago now and another one of my ex's was also in the show. Oh, I forgot to mention the friend who invited me was an ex boyfriend? Sorry. So I was going back to a place where I spent a lot of crazy nights, seeing one ex that I actually have a good friendship with now and another ex who I think stays my Facebook friend cause we are both to lazy to delete the other. It was one big weird time warp. And as much as I enjoyed the show and enjoyed seeing some people I haven't talked to in a long time, I missed Wyatt like crazy the whole time. I had to work really hard not to call my sitter at intermission and ask if he got to sleep ok.

On my way home, I decided to stop by the bar I used to work at just for the hell of it. I hadn't been there in probably 3 years and was curious to see if I knew anyone still working there. I did. It was really nice to see an old friend, but it was also such a gut check for me. I could have ended up in the same place; forever serving drinks to a bunch of annoying kids, watching 21 yr old girls flirt with the door guy...

What did all this teach me?

First and most important; I am so thankful things happened the way they did. Wyatt saved my life. I feel so much more focused and happy now that I have him.

Second; I'm really not that interested in dating. I don't really want to get to know new people. Or rather I don't care to spend the time to get to know a new guy/potential love interest. I have really enjoyed meeting other mom's and getting to know people again in a different context as parents. But I am completely uninterested in spending the time and energy it takes to get to know and connect with someone on a romantic level. It takes time away from Wyatt and he is changing and growing so fast I don't want to miss a second of it. These experiences have made me realize that if I date any time soon it will be someone I already know that I end up with. And even that doesn't sound too appealing most days.

Third; man my old life sucked. At least looking at it with a 30 year olds eyes. At the time I was living it I loved going out all the time and having fun and meeting new people all the time. I'm glad it's behind me, glad I go home to my little boy every night. I easily could have been sucked into the black hole that is living/eating/breathing theatre. I loved it, I still love it, but having a family means more to me. Being a mom is what my real goal was all those years.

Nothing makes me happier than my kid hugging me, listening to him tell me stories in his baby babble, seeing his eyes light up when he sees geese outside, hearing him say real words for the first time...this list could go on forever.

My life is actually pretty perfect the way it is right now.

Dads

Hello Monday!

I hate Monday. Mondays stink.

Well except for the part where Monday is when How I Met Your Mother is on. I love this show. In a huge way. Honestly I wasn't that into it for a long time, then I started to catch more episodes in reruns. I started to fall a little bit in love, so when I moved to this apartment and got my very own DVR I decided to give it a chance by recording the new episodes.

This has been a rough season to be totally honest. But in the way that I love most; these characters are growing and changing and moving away from some of the things that made them who they were in the first couple of seasons. They are all still fundamentally the same people, but just like in life they are changing. One of the things that I have especially loved about this season is just how much they manage to touch on all my emotions. Pretty much every episode this season has made me tear up a little at some point. One second I am crying from laughing so hard and the next I am crying because I am touched or sad for these amazing characters.

One major theme I have noticed this season has been fathers. Ted's quest to find the right girl so he can become a father; Marshall deciding it was time to start trying to become a father in the midst of losing his own father; Barney searching for his father.

I was a wreck during the funeral episode. I am very close with my own father. A year ago I watched him lose his own dad and had the realization that one day I am going to have to go through that myself.

Tonight I was equally a wreck watching Barney try to connect with his father who had been out of his life for 30 years. I never wanted that for my son and it terrifies me that it could happen. I know his dad is trying now. And I have to give him a little bit of credit, he is doing what he can. But the reality is he chose not to be around for the first year of Wyatt's life. He made the choice not to know his son.

My hope is he never decides that was the better option and disappears. He hasn't seen the worst parts of being a parent yet. He hasn't felt the panic that swells up when you watch the numbers on a thermometer climb. He hasn't stayed up all night with a crabby teething baby. He hasn't had to listen to his kid scream like he's dying while on a time out. It's pretty inevitable that eventually he will experience some of this stuff. You can't spend time with a kid and not see at least a little bit of the less glamorous parts of parenting. I can't help but wonder though if he is going to get a taste of it and wish he had made the choice to just stay away.

I don't want to watch Wyatt go through the hurt and anger I watched a fictional character go through tonight. Cause if it hurt me to watch someone who's not real go through it, I think it might kill me to watch it happen to my son.

Way Too Long

I am just now realizing how crazy long it has been since I last wrote anything in my blog. It's been a long month since I wrote about my new look on Valentines Day. Wyatt is changing in leaps and bounds every day and I need to be more dedicated to documenting that. The primary reason why I started this blog was to be able to keep a record of my journey with him and I am disappointed in myself for not being more diligent about it.

Unfortunately I just don't have the energy right now to catch up. But I have a new goal for myself! I plan to write in this blog at least once a week from now on. I want to be able to look back at the end of the year and see at least 52 posts. Wyatt is only a toddler once and I want to have a good record of all the highs, lows and in-betweens.

So here is a list of some things I want to make sure to write about over the coming weeks along with everything else.

1) Wyatt's love for the show Bubble Guppies
2) Adventures in babysitting - in which I feel jealous & like a horrible mother
3) Gymnastics class
4) The insane reaction I had to an episode of The Tudors
5) Our upcoming trip to Florida
6) Something I realized about dating as a single mom

Ok since it's late and that's all I can think of at the moment, I will leave it at that. That's already 6 blog posts I have to get caught up on! And crap I just thought of a couple more things I want to write about...the show Teen Mom, Wyatt's dad, going to Chuck E Cheese...

Now though, it is time for bed since I have to work early tomorrow.

Valentine's Day

So another Valentine's Day has come and gone.

I never was a big fan of the holiday myself. For me it was one of those days with so many expectations around it that the only possible outcome was disappointment.

And though there are a lot of people I love in my life, Valentine's Day is really a couple's holiday, so when you are alone there is nothing to look forward to.

So this year I decided to not worry about the fact that I am single (still) and have now declared it Wyatt's holiday.

No longer with February 14th come with feelings of dread, but instead it will be looked forward to with happiness and thanks.

I wrote last year around this time about my special anniversary with Wyatt, the anniversary of the day I found out I was pregnant. A day which happens to fall on February 16th.

It's now been two years since my whole life got turned upside down. And things just keep getting better. Yes, I have a lot to worry about and a lot that I am responsible for. My life is far from perfect. But I love being a mom, it is the best thing I have ever experienced.

Because of Wyatt I can be excited about a day normally reserved for couples to celebrate their love for each other even if I don't have a romantic relationship of my own.

I can celebrate the amazing love I have felt for my son since that very first night.

I can laugh at the thought that peeing on a stick changed my life forever.

I can be thankful to have learned what real true love is, what unconditional love is.

Tomorrow I can spend the day missing being pregnant (who thought I would ever be saying that!) and looking at the beautiful child I brought into the world and know I didn't miss a single thing on Valentine's Day, I have something better.

Little Reminders

So the other day I was standing in Wyatt's room having one of those moments when I absolutely could not believe I am a mom. Maybe it's how unplanned he was, but there are days I look at him and wonder where this little alien boy came from and why he's in my house. Mostly it's in the evening when he's in bed and I'm not doing anything productive that I start having these feelings. When I finally have some time to sit alone in my own bed. The bed that I've had since 2002, the one that was frequently covered in books and papers while I was doing homework for my graduate classes, with the sheets and blankets I got myself as a Christmas gift one year. It's something that is very tangibly from my single days, Before Wyatt.

But I have massive amounts of reminders that I am for sure a mom now. They are all over my house, in my purse, between my sheets....

It's not uncommon for me to reach into my coat pocket or purse and pull out a bobo (pacifier). Also not unusual to find tiny socks amongst my blankets when I get into bed. I could vacuum my house twice a day and Wy would still be able to find a 3 day old piece of waffle to eat, I swear he hides food on purpose so he can go back for it later. The words "We don't throw toys!" come out of my mouth more times than I can count. I know all the words to the intro songs from Jack's Big Music Show, Yo Gabba Gabba, The Backyardigans and Word World, and most days I genuinely enjoy watching them (with the exception of Yo Gabba Gabba, I hate that show but Wy likes it so we watch it). Both of us trip over stray toys regularly and usually laugh about it.

Then there are things like hugs and kisses and smiles. I have this sunshiny little boy in my life now who loves me! He yells "Mama!" when he's ready to get out of bed. He's happy to pause his playing to come over for a kiss (most of the time). He smiles at me first thing in the morning, which is better than a cup of coffee for waking me up. I may say "stop that" or "put that down" a lot, but I say "I love you!" way more.

It may be hard to believe sometimes that I'm a mom, and I have had to give up a lot of things. Going for a run any time of the day or night for instance. Or being able to give in to that pancake craving I had the other night; in the past I would have been at Dennys before you could blink. But boy is it worth it. Picking Wyatt up from the babysitter is my absolute favorite part of the day. I have an absurd number of pictures of him at my desk at work, because I like to have him close during the day. And because I need those reminders. I need that random bobo appearance to help get me through the day sometimes.