Today all 5 Rendall children were in the same room. But it wasn't a happy moment. We said goodbye to my grandfather today. His wife, 5 children, 5 grandchildren and his great grandson gathered around his hospital bed to pray for his peaceful departure from this life and say and official goodbye. Tomorrow he moves to the hospice wing of the hospital where he can be made comfortable for his last hours or days.
I spent almost all day at the hospital with my family yesterday, but today was much much harder. For one thing my grandpa was "awake" more of the day. The doctors had already told us all his higher brain functions had ceased and he isn't really aware of much of anything besides his discomfort. But you could tell his was in pain and doesn't want to be connected to his IV or O2. His swallow reflex was effected by the stroke so he breathes with his mouth open and has to have his mucus suctioned out every few hours so he doesn't suffocate. Since he was so awake today he kept trying to push the nurse away when he came to suction him. Twice I stood next to him holding down the one arm that still works and talking to him. Once he looked right into my eyes for a few seconds, but it was like looking at a stranger. Less than that. This man laying in the hospital isn't my grandpa anymore. My grandpa has been gone since the stroke on Thursday afternoon and I am so happy he didn't have to go through this. I'm also happy we are getting a chance to say our goodbyes.
I realized yesterday one more reason my son is such a special little boy. He is the eldest child of an eldest child of an eldest child of an eldest child. When my dad and I sat with my grandparents and Wyatt on Thanksgiving to take a picture we were a gathering of 4 generations of first children. We all have or will go through those hard times of being the leader, teaching our parents how to be parents and a million other things only the oldest kid goes through. My son is bound to my grandfather through blood and birth order! My son got to spend time with his great grandfather and I got to see my grandpa light up while holding Wyatt.
Many tears have been shed and many more will be over the next days and weeks. But my grandfather was a wonderful man who loved his family and was blessed to have a family that is more than willing to spend hours and hours in a stuffy hospital room making sure he doesn't pull out his IV.
I love you grandpa!
3 comments:
What a beautiful tribute to your grandpa Sara. Tears are flowing down my cheeks as I read your intimate thoughts about him and the time you've shared with him. Little Wyatt has a piece of your grandpa in him, so Ron will always be around, in the eyes of your little guy. Many prayers are pouring out over the family during this time...it seems like only a few short years ago, I was saying goodbye to my dear mom in this same fashion. I grieve with and for you honey...Love you!
Sara, you are the only one that could have written so beautifully about your Grandpa, with these words and with these feelings. Your perspective is so precious and tender. As individuals we are stretched in ways we could never plan or imagine. Experiencing death with a beloved person is one of the most difficult. But the strength comes from experiencing the moment, being aware of what transpires, and what is truly being lost. If we pull away from it, or don't look closely, we really miss something. You are there, and as hard as the emotions and pain are, the memories will be proportionately sweet. Your Grandpa was a sweet, warm, gracious person. He will be so missed by so many. Praying for strength and peaceful moments with those memories. I love you, sweetie. Mom
what a beautiful tribute to your grandpa, sara. i am so happy he was able to meet wyatt. the picture above is just precious. i love you so much and am here for you during these very tough times.
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